Archive for the ‘Damian’ Category

I’m Only Human (part 2)

Monday, April 19th, 2010

Only Human (part 1) can be found here.

It seems pointless to talk about love, without offering some advice on how to grow to becoming a catalyst for intimacy. I am offering my opinions that I believe will be helpful to your journey. Not a twelve-step formula.

The Authentic

One of the most frightening components of love that we must overcome is that authentic love is surrendered power. It’s giving another person, or in some cases a community of people, the power to reject us or accept us. We expose ourselves by letting them into our thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams. The temptation is to impress others by showcasing our strengths and by doing so we elevate ourselves in pride rather than bow in humility.

It’s no secret that “faithful religious folks” have a reputation for failing miserably at the authentic life. I’ll be the first to admit that within the context of my religious culture it’s a lot safer to censor and hide some of the messy area of life. It’s easier in my non-religious circles to be more open. I’m saddened that those who proclaim to be defined by love are commonly criticized for being hypocrites, yet I too fail often.

I find myself having to regularly check-in and recalibrate the level of authenticity in my current relationships. As i grow in awareness of my tendency to hide, it’s up to me take initiative and choose to be vulnerable about my issues and brokenness. This is not about having a low self-esteem or self-deprecation but rather a realistic self-awareness. When i choose to be transparent about my life, i create opportunities for others to walk alongside me.

Imagine, what our relationships would become if we were truly transparent and honest with each other. I’m guessing for most of us the outcome would be staggering.

Where are you on the continuum toward the authentic?

Are there areas in your life which you hide and showcase a false-self?

Connected Community

Community can be a powerful vessel for personal growth and health. A tribe of people that embraces us as we are without manipulative agendas or unrealistic expectations is a beautiful environment to find our deepest needs met.

Yet, we fear that if someone sees us for who we truly are, they will judge and reject us. We hide behind masks, keep ourselves busy, and spread social-self thin among various acquaintances to keep others from truly knowing us. Fear distances and isolates us leaving us to never venture below the surface.

Notice i specified that i didn’t isn’t simply community we need, at the core we thrive when we belong to a connected community. It’s within interconnected relationships were we find the acceptance, love, and forgiveness to live passionately and feel alive. There are numerous communities birthed around various causes, interests, geography, and life circumstances that are unhealthy. Environments where people don’t genuinely value and care for the other individuals, they belong for the sake of get their needs met. They are disconnected.

Healthy community is an environment where others care enough to push us forward by being honest with us, challenge us and provide the encouragement and support we need to grow. This type of community doesn’t just value the cause, they value the individual.

Where are you on the continuum of living within connected community?

Are you invested in the lives of others and are others invested in you or is fear keeping you on the sidelines?

The Spiritual

It is my firm belief that when we yield ourselves to Divine love, the natural result is valuing ourselves. Living in communion and spiritual intimacy with God ignites our potential to fully love ourselves and become passionate about loving others.

It is in those seasons when we are disconnected from our Source, we find ourself increasingly drained of love. In the same way an electronic appliance is useless when it’s unplugged from a source of electricity, the love we express is a response to the quality of love we receive. I believe there is no better place to go than to turn our faces towards God, the Divine source of love.

Imagine a master artist that deeply loves and cares for you and I, the jewel of His creation. We don’t write anyone off, or look down on another because we know that every human being bears the image of God. We recognize all people of value to God, because He is in all and all belong to Him. If we hold a low view of people and disdain the created, we disdain the Creator.

Imagine if every time we looked at another person we pictured them with a stamp on their forehead marked “Made in the Image of God.” Would it change the way we view them?

As creatures created in the image and likeness of a Holy God, when we come to terms with the reality that each and every one of us are objects of his affection, exactly as we are, it changes us. The love of God compels us and consumes us from the inside-out.

Do you experience intimacy with God and receiving the gift of Divine love?

Do you treat others as Divine image bearers, even those who we deem as unworthy?

Robert Frost so beautifully said, “Love is an insatiable desire to be insatiably desired.” The core essence of what makes us human is love. Yes, we are physical beings, but that’s not what makes us human. Nor does the fact that we are intellectual and emotional beings. What makes us human is our ability to love and be loved.

It’s no secret that giving and receiving love is a choice. Love does not exist absent of free-will. Is the choice to become fully human by walking faithfully the way of love difficult path to trek? Incredibly! However, I hope you find these words encouraging and motivational. If you accept the invitation to become a vessel of love, I guarantee it will be the most heroic and rewarding adventure of your life.

Allow me to close with a few questions for you to consider:

Are your eyes open to see opportunities to love?

Are your ears attune to hear where love is needed?

Are your hands and feet willing to show love?

Is your mouth prepared to speak lovingly?

Do you have a desire to become a vessel of love? Not just love for your neighbor (the people you like), but also love for your enemies (the people you despise, those you don’t want to associate with, the people who don’t like you).

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I’m Only Human (part 1)

Saturday, February 27th, 2010

“I’m truly sorry, I’m only human!” Only human? Basically, we use this statement to point to the obvious reality that we are flawed and imperfect beings. But, is that what it means to be human? Is being only human a bad thing?

What if being only human is a good thing? The problem isn’t actually our humanity, but all of the things that get in the way of being fully human. Perhaps what we mean is, I have this habit of making choices that inhibit me from being fully human. This temptation to trade our full humanity for something else, is something we all experience on some level.

So what is it that makes you and I fully human? What is our defining essence? I believe at the core of who we are as humans is our intrinsic longing for relational intimacy. And not just romantic intimacy, that’s only one aspect of love. I’m referring to an expanded image of intimacy; our need to love and be loved, to feel as though we are truly known, fully valued, and completely accepted by others.

Love woos us, captivates us, compels us, moves us, and occasionally even torments us. It’s possibly the most life-giving and most dangerous arena of our lives. No matter how unique and different we are from each other, center to our being is a craving for genuine intimacy. To feel deeply connected. Although, we may not want to admit that because our western culture values individualism, independence, and autonomy. To need connectedness with others almost sounds weak, doesn’t it?

Isn’t it interesting that one of the most intense form of punishment we inflict on a criminal is solitary confinement? Removing an individual from interaction with others is torturous. It points to the need for the soul to deeply connect with other people.

Our western mindset preaches look out for number one, and it’s your right to do whatever you feel like. All in the name of independence and freedom. However, a few years back I heard an entirely new way of thinking about freedom that’s reshaped my perspective. It’s the belief that genuine freedom isn’t license to do whatever I want, it’s the ability to live most lovingly — to live most human. The ability to love without limit is freedom without boundaries. I am truly free when I live generously and not be bound by greed. I’m free to be gracious and merciful, not feel the need to judge and prove I’m better than another. I’m free to take risks and live courageously, not to be tempted by apathy or motivated by fear of failure.

Recently, i was hurt by someone i care deeply for. I felt rejected because the love i offered wasn’t mutual. What was i supposed to do? At the time, I felt the safest place to be was to withdraw and disconnect from others. The rejection, the unmet expectations, the feeling of being betrayed by love, moved me to become embittered to love. Ironically, love was the ointment i needed to heal. My remedy of choice, however, was to hide in isolation. I’m not going to be vulnerable and feel the pain anymore! And sadly, i feel as though that choice caused my core to wither. The more disconnected i chose to become from meaningful relationships, the more indifferent I became to the welfare of others. I had extended the invitation for bitterness, envy, arrogance, and self-centeredness to take residence in my heart.

I became…. well, inhumane.

Fear of genuine love causes us to settle for the impostor. Because we feel at our gut level as though something is missing, we latch on to counterfeits that pose as love in attempt to satiate our craving for intimacy. We look for substitutes to sooth our feeling disconnected, alone, insecure, self-hatred, feeling invisible, and the list goes on. The scent, taste, and touch of the impostors lure us in. We obsess over work to feel significant. We choose cheap meaningless sex to feel empowered and control. We enter into an unhealthy relationship so we simply don’t have to feel alone. We talk negatively about other people to feel better about ourselves. We follow empty religion to numb the lingering guilt and shame. We get caught up in uncontrollable addictions to that reach that euphoric sense of being alive.

The perception is, the impostor will make the emptiness go away and yet, our cravings are only temporarily satiated. The impostor actually controls us and ultimately take us away from intimacy. We are left us feeling even more lonely and disconnected than we started with.

I am convinced that we become most human by embodying a life of love, not simply feeling love with our emotions. This is about being and becoming love. When our whole person embodies love our thoughts are instinctively loving, our values become other-focused rather than self-focused, our actions are naturally edifying, and we shift from begin self-serving to showing others they are valued. Love is not passive, but active. The person who travels the way of love, doesn’t approach relationships wondering what can this person do for me, they ask how can I be a gift to this person. They don’t view people as products to consume, they see relationships as opportunities to invest.

I’d like to close with a question for your personal meditation and reflection:

Do you feel, taste, and experience intimacy with others? What if you asked a friend who knows you well that same question? Do they see you the same way you see yourself? Be honest with yourself about this because often there is a gap between our picture of how we would like to be and how we really are.

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